15. Gold

That off-season I continued to play Indoor Bias Bowls at Mount Cottrell and had made a decision to finally enter the Victorian Junior Singles. This was played at Sunshine, so it was easy to access for me living in Melton. I had talked Robert into entering so we could both have a shot at the State title.

The morning arrived and I was up bright and early and in the car with Pop down to Sunshine. The draw was out and there were only about 14 entries for the whole championship. I saw this as a Golden Opportunity to win my first Indoor Bias Bowls State title. I was very confident with indoor bowls and I had developed a real knack for the game, including skipping a Mount Cottrell team to the finals that same winter.

Robert was knocked out in the first round by Shaun Membery from Warrnambool who seemed to be a pretty good player. I had won my first two games without any problem, reaching 30 shots in both my games of 16 ends. I heard a few murmurs around the indoor mats that day from some of the experienced campaigners who finally thought that Victoria may have a decent junior. Looking at past results, the Victorian Juniors had been smashed left, right and centre over the past five years.

I lined up against Shaun Membery in the semi final and despite a tight first half in the match, broke away to win 18-10. My worst match was in the final against Scott Rutherford, but my performance was just enough to get me home 17-12 in a tight tussle. I had won my first state title! WOO HOO!

In the weeks following, I had to attend the Junir State Trials for the two junior boys positions available. Six players were invited back and we played a round robin format of 8 ends against the five other players. I won four of my matches and had a 5-5 tie with Robert, leaving me on top of the pool. Robert finished second and Shaun Membery finished third. The selectors announced the side later that day and Shaun and I had made the team. Unfortunately for Robert, he had missed out.

The Nationals were in Noosa on the Sunshine Coast. Thanks to some sponsorship efforts from Sylvia Veal and the Mount Cottrell Bowls Club, my airfares and accommodation were covered without any worries. It was the first time I had ever been on a plane and it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

On arrival, I knew nothing about the juniors or how the format of the Nationals actually worked. After sussing out the draw and conditions, I realised that two juniors were there from QLD, SA, NSW, TAS and VIC. One junior was in each section. We would play four round robin matches and the section winners would play off in the National final.

My first match was against the 1997 runner-up from NSW, Noel Wraight. To my surprise, I had a massive win, beating him 31-9. It certainly was a great way to start my Victorian Representation. Not just this, I won the ‘VicPick’ award for Victoria’s ‘Player of the Day’. I was so excited.

My round two match was against the 1997 Champion, Brett Davis from South Australia. I had watched a little bit of his opening game and he was absolutely devastating on full length. I knew the only way I could compete was to roll the jack just over the 20 foot minimum line and nail the jack with my first bowl. It was one of the best games I ever played, scoring a 24-10 victory and favouritism to win the section.

The heat started to play its toll as I scraped through my Round 3 match against Lennon Scott from Tasmania 22-20. Only Tony Williams from QLD stood in my way of winning the section and I had to play him the following morning.

Friday morning came and I think nerves got the better of me. Tony beat me 24-22 but the result seemed closer than it was as I had scored a maximum of 4 shots in the final end. He remained undefeated in the section and just had to win his last game to get through. My shot differential was better, so if he lost, I would get through. My BYE was in the fifth round, so I was able to watch his game very closely.

To my relief, Brett Davis smashed him and I qualified for the final with 3 wins and the best shots up. My opponent was Sean Thomas from QLD, the six foot rugby built 15 year old who had been playing since he was old enough to walk.

The National final was mostly a blur, mainly due to my concentration being at the most intensive level possible for someone at my age. I got off to a good start and led 17-11 with two ends to go. Sean played a great penultimate end, leaving me three down on the head with both of us having one bowl to play. If I failed with my last, I was certain to do 4 and go into the last end a nervous wreck.

We were on the very first mat and directly under the basketball ring in the stadium. The key section of the court made the mat do some funny things, especially on the backhand going towards the grandstand. It was only about one-third carpet width to grass the bowl, which was abnormally narrow for any indoor mat. I knew this as I played my final bowl, knowing that anything wide of the head would not impact the three down lie.

The bowl came out well but slightly under the line I wanted. I remember wanting to reach the three shot bowls knowing that anything short would not impact the head. To my excitement, the bowl stood up the entire length of the mat, leaned on the shot bowl and fell onto the jack for a knocker. I was so excited I reckon if someone threw a basketball at me, I could jump up and slam it in the ring.

Sean’s vicious attempt to take the bowl out moved every single bowl on the mat but the shot bowl. I would enter the last end 7 shots up and unless a pure accident occurred, I would win the National Junior Singles.

The last end was a non event as I conceded one shot and claimed my very first National Title. Lee Schraner, 1998 Victorian & Australian Indoor Bias Bowls Singles Champion.

Has a bit of a ring to it, don’t you agree?

14. Parkers

Footscray Park gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. Just 30 minutes down Ballarat Road from my home in Melton, it was the perfect access point to play bowls at a higher level.

Footscray Park also signed up a new member that year, Mark Cartlidge. Mark also lived in Melton and he provided me with the lift I badly needed every Saturday morning to bowls. He also drove me home after pennant because Mum and Dad certainly didn’t want me getting public transport during the night at such a young age.

There were some amazing members at this new club. Brett Dodd was an up and coming new bowler, Robbie Campbell had just won the State Champion of Champion Singles with Footscray RSL the year before, Glen Maxwell was a gun player and Hank Witkowski was as solid as they came on the green. Considering our top side was only Division Two, we were expected to take the next step into Division One for the season after.

The practice matches were nothing short of an absolute disaster for me. After two years on fast synthetic greens, the grass green practice matches made it very difficult for me to play well. I was inconsistent, short often and generally not doing my job as a leader. There was no way I could possibly start in the top side.

I found myself leading in Division Five (our second side) for the first game of the season at Newport. Daryl Carter was my skipper which was perfect. Daryl was not only a player well above Division five, but he was also a terrific bloke. He gave me all the encouragement I needed to improve my game and find some form. He was my new ‘Les Delaney’.

I think it was about Round Five when I got promoted into the Division Two side. I was selected to lead for Pat Considine. Our third was Les Taylor and our second, Gary Dawson. On paper we seemed like a pretty strong side, but unfortunately this rink had not won many games and they were relying on me to get them off to a good start.

This was the beginning of my good times at Footscray Park. My leading began to reach a level that was helping the rink and side to more wins. I really felt now that I belonged in the top side of this bowling club.

In late November I got a job at the local $2 shop to try and make a few extra dollars. Part of this job entailed Saturday morning shifts which finished at 12 noon. The very first shift I worked, I got stuck back and my grandfather had to rush me to Maribyrnong Park to play Pennant. I was 10 minutes late to the game and missed the roll-up. Unfortunately we were soundly beaten that day and Robbie Campbell and the selectors took no sympathy when pulling the axe out. I was dropped into the Division Five side for disciplinary reasons and this infuriated me.

The next week I played third in Division five, with a young Ryan ‘Noodle’ Wickson leading in the rink. This was like playing third at Mount Cottrell. The level was about the same and the quality of team mates and opposition reminded me of Division Two in the Central Highlands. What had I done? I wasn’t progressing as I wanted to.

Luckily for me, the Club Championship Singles had arrived that very Sunday and I was determined to make a mark on the event. And I did!

After getting through the first couple of rounds, I had lined up a quarter final the following Sunday against the 1997 Club Champion, Lindsay Murphy. All I could think about that week was winning that game. I can honestly say that I can’t remember the Division five match that Saturday, saving my mental power for the Sunday Club singles.

I won my quarter final 25-22 after a monumental effort. I then went on to beat Hank Witkowski 25-20 in the semi final to set up an amazing final – Lee Schraner vs 1997 State Champion of Champions, Robbie Campbell. Here was my chance to prove a point.

The final involved solid draw bowling, accurate hitting and an applauding crowd of about 80 club members. I will never forget that match. Robbie led me 24-19 and was on the verge of winning the club singles. Two tight draw bowl saves and two big dead ends got me to 22-25, but my valiant attempts to save the following end would unfortunately fail. I lost the final 22-25 and had missed the opportunity to win the club singles.

The praise from all watching and Robbie himself were pleasing and it certainly helped me make my way back into the top side – once again leading for Pat and making my way back just in time for the Christmas break.

Christmas came and went and I turned sweet 16 on the first game back after Christmas. We continued to win as a side but unfortunately by Round 18, it appeared we had no chance of winning the section. We lay 4 points behind Werribee and 7 points being Yarraville going into the last round. All we could do was get the maximum 14 points on offer and hope for a miracle. Considering Werribee was playing Yarraville in the final game, it was likely one of them would go through.

Someone once said to me that ‘good things happen to the club you are at Leeroy’. This was the perfect instance. Yarraville and Werribee played a 7 points all draw and we won 14 points and about 60 shots up. We won the section on shot differential and had earned our promotion into Division One! Unbelievable!

The next week we beat Buckley Park at Flemington/Kensington then followed up by beating Murrumbeena Park at Glenferrie Hill. The Grand Final was set for Footscray Park vs Boronia at Burwood. We had adopted the club song of ‘Zippity Doo Dah’ and it was sung constantly throughout the club during the finals campaign.

Unfortunately for us, the Grand Final was a disaster. Our rink got flogged with Pat relying on Charlie to skip the rink from third. We were 10 up with 10 ends to go and two five downs across the rinks and a mixture of lost opportunity saw us go down. Despite this, the Chernobyl Victims mini bus drove home with open eski’s as the team bellowed out Zippity Doo Dah all the way back to the clubrooms.

I think the onlookers thought we actually were the Chernobyl victims.

13. Mentor

Ironically, I met another friend called Neville who became a huge influence on my life in sport. Neville Thorne was a new bowler who had come across to Mount Cottrell from Pascoe Vale and was looking for a game in the Winter Pennant Competition. Both Robert and I were still playing together and we had managed to rope poor old Les Delaney in for yet another season at the helm. Poor Les!

I met Neville one Sunday morning before the Round One of Winter Pennant in 1997. Neville was only a front end player like Robert and I, so we all sat down and agreed that Robert would lead, Neville play two and I would play third for Les. We changed our name to ‘Mount Cottrell Brown’ to eradicate the shocking season before as team Composite.

We all hit it off and actually started to win a few games in the competition. This must have been a huge relief to Les who had constant head lies of 6 and 7 down just one winter before. Fair to say though, Robert and I had improved somewhat and the excitement of a new player in the team always helps get the season off to a better start.

Besides this interaction with Neville on the green, I had also formed a very close friendship which still exists today. Neville was a great sportsman in his own right. He had achieved in cricket and football as both a player and a coach. He had even coached the Madden brother’s in their junior years. He had a lot of information that only helped me grow up in the world and the game of lawn bowls. He was my mentor.

I would call Neville at least once a week and often we would have telephone discussions that lasted over an hour. I would talk about issues in my life and he would provide me with experienced information that would help me make decisions. He was a great benefit to my life.

After a successful winter campaign and a final berth, we were knocked out by the all conquering Gisborne Red side in the first final. The performance however, was a sign of better things to come.

Les was a member of Flemington/Kensington, so he didn’t play pennant for Mount Cottrell. The selectors in their wisdom, kept the front 3 combination of Robert, Neville and myself and teamed us up with one of the clubs best skips – well so we were told! John Banks was one of the toughest skips at the club and man did he make us work during summer pennant. He was often critical rather than beneficial and would make us feel as small as sardines when we weren’t playing well.

Eventually, Robert pulled the pin on the rink and was transferred to one of our more placid skips, John McKenzie. Neville was pushed back to lead and the club champion Don McDonald was put in our rink as a second. This would surely allow us to win more games.

I can’t say I had much of an idea at the time, but I know now that Don and Neville became good friends. They must have approached the selectors to rid our rink away from Banksy. They were successful. Reggie Burns became our new skip and as a rink, we piled on 11 consecutive wins despite being knocked out of the finals in straight sets. Our rink had performed beyond the level we were expected, especially with me playing third in my first year. Ironically, it was Banksy who copped two floggings in the finals and played a big part in our close losses to Kyenton and Trentham.

Neville and I would discuss things very closely on the phone over the next few months. I was now 15 years old and needed a bowling club that would help improve my game. I had made friends with David George and his sons from Footscray Park during the Winter Pennant Competition and this played a huge part in my movement.

I would continue to play Indoor Bias Bowls at Mount Cottrell that winter, but for the next summer, I was going to sign at Footscray Park and attempt my first year in Metropolitan Bowls.

That ego of mine was talking too much.

12. Life

In early 1996, around the start of Year 9 and turning 14 years old, I knew deep down that things in my life were never going to be the same. I had lost my free-living sense of innocence within myself as a person, convinced that I was an outcast with serious issues. From what started out initially as a sense of jealousy and interest, was beginning to turn into an obsession.

The day you wake up and realise you are different from everyone is a very scary thought for a teenager. Despite how good your family and friends are, the sense of loneliness and secrecy in your personal life is enough to drive you to independence and isolation. It can tear you to pieces because it never goes away. It can grab at your every thought and even affect the freedom of your breathing.

I knew I was gay and it was affecting me in more ways than only a gay person can imagine. My major concern at 14, was that I was not willing to accept it. I was one of the school sports stars, fit and very masculine in the way I spoke and acted. Maybe it was just a phase I was going through. I was not going to accept it as a reality. It simply couldn’t happen to me – could it?

I reacted in a way that only someone in denial would react. There was a girl at school named Melissa that I liked as a friend of mine. I had to test myself out and try to be-friend her as a girlfriend. I had never had a girlfriend before. I hadn’t even kissed a girl. Melissa was someone who I liked a lot deep down. Whether there was an intimate connection or not was the answer I needed to know. I had to be certain that I would feel comfortable in a relationship with a woman.

This ended up somewhat of a success because apparently Melissa had the hots for me! Woo Hoo! Here was my chance! We went to the movies once or twice, kissed a few times and I even went over to her house. I was actually good friends with her mother who happened to be a champion netball player. The problem I had was that all of this intimacy and interaction gave me nothing. I felt uncomfortable and disinterested. My urges and hormones were flowing, but not for Melissa – not for any female for that matter.

I went into my shell as a human through Year 9 at school. I focused even more on my school work and bowls than ever before. I was doing everything I could to distract myself from even thinking about it. But it wouldn’t go away. It was never going away.

I don’t have to draw a picture for everyone to see, but a teenager has urges and feelings that need relief. All I could think about was things I didn’t want to think about. I was often grossing myself out to the point of throwing up and being physically ill. Being in denial about who you are is a great way to make yourself sick. It is a way to affect you mentally as well as physically.

Why did life have to deal me this card? Why would I have to put up with being a gay person? I wasn’t made to function like this or to live like this. I was abnormal. It was like I was the only gay person in the world. I felt totally alone and had absolutely no idea what to do. I thought about getting help or advice, but I was so embarrassed by what I knew that I couldn’t tell a sole. No, let me re-phrase that – I wouldn’t dare tell a sole! I was prepared at that point in time to live in denial and pretend to be the same as everybody else.

Days would pass and my urges and feelings would only get stronger. I would pray, cry and plead to any spirit that would listen. I couldn’t live like this. You wouldn’t wish this on your worst enemy. It can break the spirit and strength of the strongest person you know.

The thing I was most cut about was that I had no choice in the matter. I was born this way and wasn’t able to change it. I would have given a leg or arm to be a straight person, to have an interest in women. It’s scary what goes through your head.

I wouldn’t say that I was ever suicidal about the issue, but thoughts of this nature crossed my mind everyday. The millennium was approaching and I was hoping when it came, the world would end and I could take my secret to the grave. I was a real pussy. I wanted things to end, but I never had the guts to do anything about it. You get one life, and my life was in essence, lost to the fact I was gay.

It didn’t take long before I gave in to my thoughts. It was not like I accepted the matter, but I was too tired to fight it any longer. Being as weak as I was inside, I knew that if I wasn’t willing to give in to “the devil” that my life would never progress to anything.

My theory was simple. Keep my private life to myself and never talk about the issue. Despite how much it built up to talk about it, I was going to keep it a secret until I was absolutely ready to make it public. I needed to grow up and be educated on the issue before I came to any stupid short-term conclusions. This was probably the most sensible thing I ever did as a teenager. Definitely the most mature decision I made.

No one at school really caught my eye as being attractive. I was more interested in AFL footballers and Australian Cricketers. I could watch footy and cricket (very straight things) and please two of the most hungry cravings I had – sport and good looking men! It was a good way to satisfy urges from both areas without ever making it obvious let alone cross the minds of anyone who knew me.

I always believe that the bottling up of this issue was the reason I fell ill in my early 20’s – and man did I get seriously ill! But the time between 14 and 22 was most probably the greatest time of my life, or so it appeared. I was a confident, arrogant, dedicated and flamboyant learner and sports player. I knew I was smart and I knew I was a natural with any sport I played. By placing my focus on the things I loved, I believed the issue would take care of itself down the track. Right now, I had to keep doing the things I loved – learning, kicking the footy, playing lawn bowls, writing, playing keyboard and watching the TV. I was putting on the greatest acting performance of all time. If my life was a movie, I would win the best actor Oscar as the only nominee.

The issue is much more accepted today than it was in 1996. I can only imagine what it must have been like back in the 70’s, 80’s and even earlier. I wonder how these people got through their lives.

It is sad to know that one of the biggest causes of suicide is homosexuality. But trust me. I have been there and I know how it feels. There is not a thing in the world that can bring a smile to your face. Life as you know it is over. I can only advise sufferers that eventually, things do get better. You learn more about the subject on statistics and reality. You are not as alone as you think you are! There are people who care about you and your battles. You will learn to accept that this is who you are and life really isn’t all about sexuality and labels. It might not happen straight away, but eventually you will come around. You only get one life, so you damn well better make the most of it.

After all, it is a hell of a lot better than the alternative of not living.

11. Nev

The Winter Pennant Season for team Composite was more of a number-filling effort than a chance at the Premiership. Both Robert & I were first year players and we couldn’t get a regular third. Our saviour was the super-skip himself, Les Delaney. Let’s face it – Les was a Division 1 or 2 bowler from Flemington-Kensington who put his hand up to play with us. Back then, to Robert and I he was Jesus. He had more talent than our entire bowling club put together.

Daylesford had a Winter Pennant team in the same year. They had this young kid leading for them – he couldn’t have been any older than 11, but it was obvious he had some ability.

When one of the matches was done, Robert and I would do the same thing as always. Go inside, drink cups of tea, eat sausages and then get straight back out on the bowling green for a driving extravaganza. All the older guys would sit inside where it was warm and hammer down pots of beer like it was their last day on earth.

To make things interesting, we asked the young kid from Daylesford if he would be keen coming on the green for a bit of fun. I will never know if he did it out of boredom or pity, but he jumped out of his seat and came out with us.

It is funny how you meet certain people at different times of your life. I mean, knowing today compared to what I knew then, I would never have picked the fate of this new friendship. The young kid from Daylesford called himself “Nev”. At that time I had no idea what his last name was or if Nev was even his name, but what I do remember is that the driving contest outside was exhilarating for the young kids. Of course playing front end, we never got the chance to attack during a match. This was our release and fun, albeit to fill in time until our lift was ready to drive us home.

Before Nev zoomed off, we grabbed his phone number as an effort to play a game together one day. This was 17 years ago and no doubt, the Lee Schraner / Nev Rodda partnership on the green has come a long way since that freezing drive contest at Mount Cottrell in 1995. I knew there was something about this kid that seemed different from others – he had the desire to want to achieve on the bowling green, not just turn up week to week and throw them down. I use to tell myself every time I went out on the green that I was going to play for Australia one day and that each and every match was only going to help me learn – eventually, with a realisation that this goal could be achieved. Nev seemed to have the same ideas on the sport. He too wanted to be successful. It wasn’t long before he had Don Sherman onboard coaching him to State Under 18 titles and good performances.

When the Winter Season finished in August, it wasn’t long before the Summer Season would get underway again. School was definitely the main priority, but as long as I kept up the pattern of A’s, Mum and Dad really had no reason to not let me play bowls.

Both Doody and I would start in the bottom side as leads – at Bacchus Marsh in Round One. I remember that I was leading for Ray Blackeby and we were getting slaughtered. Robert was leading for Eddie Knight and they were well in front. Our rink scored about 15-0 on the last 5 ends to go down by 11. Eddie’s team won by 17 which meant that we won overall by 6 shots. It was the best feeling! Not only was it our first game on grass, but it was both of our first ever pennant wins – and together!

By Christmas, we had both found our way leading in the Division 2 side, which was the top side at Mount Cottrell. What an amazing thrill! Our first year of bowls and both leading in the top side of pennant.  Maybe we were going to make it big in this game.

But we were never going to make it big at lil ole Mount Cottrell.